TAKE CARE, LITTLE SISTER
SCENE 2 -- The computer room in the seminary. Two divinity students, Math and Seth, are working excitedly with the computer as they examine a formula that they found in an ancient book of black magic. It is for a potion that will exorcise demons. Watching as they work are two bored demons, one with a fart bellows, who interjects farts into the dialogue. The students blame their discomfort on the seminary food and hope the new housekeeper will be better than the last one.
SETH
(in rhythm, without music)
PRESS RETURN AND GOTO TERROR...
MULTIPLY BY NINETY-NINE AND...
MATT
ERROR!
SETH
ERROR?
Okay. Then try this.
GOTO...HELL...AND ENTER...HEAVEN
THEN DIVIDE BY THREE TIMES SEVEN.
MATT
GOSUB!
SETH
GOSUB?
That's odd. We haven't programmed in any subroutines. I know!
Try this.
PRESS RETURN...AND THEN, LET'S SEE...
SQUARE THE ROOT OF THIRTY THREE AND...
MATT
FEINGOLD!
SETH
FEINGOLD?
(He looks at the screen.)
Elena Feingold. I wonder how she got in there.
MATT
Because you were probably thinking more about her than the
formula.
SETH
But not more about her than about thirty million other girls.
MATT
Elena Feingold still sucks her thumb, for God's sake!
SETH
Cool!
Dabbling in black magic is forbidden, so when they hear persons entering the room the boys hide what they’re doing.
John and Tanya enter. He’s showing the new housekeeper around. For a moment the two demons don’t recognize Tanya in human form, but John calls attention to the fact that he seems to see flames in her eyes and they guess who it is. Tanya seems completely subdued – mesmerized by John – and the demons guess that she’s in love with him. They taunt her because she has always hated men. While the demons speak and act, the humans remain motionless, out of time.
DEMONS
TAKE CARE, LITTLE SISTER
WHAT YOU DO WITH WHAT YOU GOT
YOU THINK YOU'VE TASTED FIRE
THERE'S A FIRE TWICE AS HOT
YES. TAKE CARE, LITTLE SISTER
DON'T BE GOIN' ALL ASTRAY
YOUR HEART'LL BE THE LOSER
BUT WE'LL HAVE HELL TO PAY
SATAN LOVES YA BUT LOVE CAN SOUR
LOVE SATAN, HE’S THE KING
DON'T DARE IGNORE HIS
POWER
DON'T DARE THE DEVIL’S
STING
YOUR HOME’S A PLACE CALLED HADES
YOUR HOME'S THE DEVIL’S LAIR
FROM HELL DON’T COME NICE LADIES
AND YOU, YOU COME FROM THERE
EVIL 'N OVER, EVIL 'N UNDER
DEVIL 'N DEMON, FIRE 'N WOE
DEMON ALL OVER, EVIL ASUNDER
FIRE AND DEVIL, DEMON BELOW
SATAN, TAKE HER, TAKE HER,
TAKE HER, SATAN, TAKE HER,
SATAN, TAKE HER, NOW!
SO TAKE HEED OF OUR WARNIN'
AND REMEMBER WHAT YOU ARE
NO GUY ON EARTH'D WANT YOU
THEY GOT BETTER THERE BY FAR
YES, TAKE CARE, LITTLE SISTER
AND DON'T CLIMB UP ON YOUR THRONE
NO GUY IS GONNA LOVE YOU
‘CAUSE YOU ARE THE DEVIL'S OWN
TAKE CARE!
Tanya grabs a vacuum cleaner and while the humans in the room remain motionless in their parallel universe, she chases the demons behind some furniture where she vacuums up the shouting, coughing, demons before marching out with the vacuum.